I don't know what to do with my hands.
When I am at ease, my hands become extensions of myself that gesture effortlessly - I don't think about them.
Now I'm sitting here, inspecting a small blurry version of myself in lingerie and an aggressive amount of black eye makeup, and I have become, suddenly, very aware of my hands. Where do I put them - What looks most natural?
I can only readjust my hair so many times before my thin veil of confidence melts away and the awkward truth beneath it is revealed.
People behind computer screens and usernames begin to proposition me with 'tokens' (tokens translate literally to a dollar amount -depending on the site you stream through they are usually around $.05 each) in exchange for flashes of skin and lace, and as the chat-room begins to overflow and flashing messages pop up at the top of my window, I feel overwhelmed and doubtful of my ability to make this work.
How did I get here? How did a 21 year old yoga teacher working in the non-profit sector end up naked and covered in glitter getting paid to touch herself in front of a webcam?
It started for me the way I imagine it starting for most of us. Debt. When there is no way to make rent, pay for school, and feed yourself, "Camming" sounds like an easy way to make a quick dollar.
Up until I started the job I had no idea it was even an option. I was sitting in my dimly lit and poorly decorated living-room with a friend discussing my finances - With an impending trip to volunteer in Asia and no way to pay for it, I was imaginably very anxious. I had already explored the option of selling my eggs online (desperate times call for desperate measures).
When my roommate Chris mentioned Webcam Modelling my first reaction was: "Wait - People will PAY me for that?"
It seemed too good to be true.
If I was to spend all day masturbating anyway, I may as well cash in on it. And so I embarked upon a journey that would impact my life in ways that I couldn't imagine.